


New Game Plus

by bookoftheazuresky



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Genderbending, Happy Ending, Kissing, M/M, Sibling Incest, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4522689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookoftheazuresky/pseuds/bookoftheazuresky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mini fic for the game that breaks my heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Game Plus

Ludger ended up jogging from station, too keyed up to keep to a more sedate pace. He’d thought Origin’s offer was some kind of cruel joke (the kind of thing you would expect from a deity who had come up with that Trial) but it was looking more and more like it had been sincere after all. Ludger wasn’t sure if he deserved a second chance, but he’d leapt on the offer like Rollo on a fresh bowl of Kitty Krisps.

 

It was nearing dusk when he finally got back to Marksburg. It felt like he hadn’t seen it in centuries, which could even be true. His eyes scanned the plaza; no one was paying attention to him, just moving around going through the motions of packing up for the day. The sound of the ocean below the piers made his heart clench with memory.

 

His eyes stuck on a patch of white. Ludger’s breath caught in his throat and he sped up. Near the disembarkation pier was a man with ruddy hair marked with gold from the setting sun. He wasn’t looking at Ludger yet, just seemed to be waiting.

 

Ludger, almost unwillingly, slowed. What if this was all some cruel joke? What if-

 

He didn’t finish the thought. Julius turned to face him, his face lighting up with a look Ludger had never quite seen from him before. He looked like he hadn’t seen Ludger for an age; he looked like all that they had gone through, every bloody minute, was lifted off his shoulders for good. He looked like _home_.

 

Julius started walking towards him, his steps speeding up until he matched Ludger’s run. Then Ludger hit him, a shock of relief slicing through him. He didn’t even think before they were kissing, perfect and wet with tears wetting their cheeks, and more real than any other kiss that they had ever shared.

 

He heard indulgent chuckles from the clerks manning the pier, they must see things like this every day. He pulled back, just a little, swiping tears from his cheeks. Julius smiled down at him, wetness marking his own face. “I’m back,” he said, his voice rough, but utterly full of joy.

 

“You’re home,” Ludger replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I cried like a bitch the first time I played the end of KHII. You will pry that game away from my cold dead fingers.)


	2. Five Times Julius Missed Ludger and One Time Ludger Missed Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to trace the progression of Ludger and Julius' relationship from the beginning to end, and this is what resulted. I wrote the last two while listening to "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion, so perhaps you might want to do that to get the proper feelings.

I.

The first time Julius really notices that he misses Ludger is in a fractured dimension where he just couldn’t find the divergence catalyst. Every avenue he could think to take has proven useless; he’s seriously considering just using his Chromatus and slaughtering indiscriminately until he _finds something_.

 

He’s sitting in a crappy hotel room staring at printouts spread on the bed at some hour past midnight, feeling unbalanced, like there should be something here but isn’t. It’s not until he catches himself listening for Ludger’s breathing that he realizes what he’s missing.

 

Julius spends a minute rationalizing it to himself. He’s not getting _attached_ , that would be stupid. He’s just gotten used to living with someone, that’s all. Used to Ludger meeting him at the door with his silent smiles, used to the little noises of an inhabited apartment.

 

He shakes his head to clear it, then turns his attention back to the papers. The divergence catalyst isn’t going to find itself.

 

II.

Julius sighs and picks at the greasy food on his plate. He’s eavesdropping attentively as a group of thieves divide their haul of the night, so he can track the one who gets the phial of rare perfume that is the divergence catalyst. Perfume, seriously. It’s apparently very valuable, the last blend of some famous aromatist who probably never completed her final work in the prime dimension. It doesn’t change the fact that Julius needs to smash a fragrance bottle to finish his job.

 

Julius sticks another limp and greasy fry into his mouth and restrains a wince. He must be getting spoiled to Ludger’s cooking; even at _ten,_ Ludger does a better job than this bar’s cook. Whenever Julius has the free time, he escorts Ludger to the library to pick up cookbooks so that Ludger can try out new recipes. It’s utterly charming, the way Ludger makes up lists of ingredients and insists on following the instructions perfectly. For someone who has every takeout place within delivery distance on his speed dial, it’s an immense change.

 

Rather than try to choke down more of the crappy food, Julius takes a drink. At least soft drinks are difficult to screw up. His ears catch the sound of the leader of the thieves claiming the perfume, with the logic that he had the most connections to try and fence something as unique as a rare fragrance. This is met with minimal complaints; the rest of the group knew perfectly well that traceable loot is troublesome to get rid of. Business completed, chairs screech back from the corner table as the members depart in their separate directions.

 

Julius casually drops money on the bar to pay for his food and unobtrusively picks up the leader’s trail, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. Before the evening ends, Julius would be done with this dimension.

 

Maybe Ludger would make pasta margherita for him once he gets back.

 

III.

Julius is used to feeling like a monster. The feeling had taken root when he destroyed his first dimension and flowered darkly when he’d killed his aunt. He’s become used to it, the background radiation of his life, something that he can usually push aside. He can’t push this aside.

 

Ludger is sixteen and _gorgeous_ , and Julius is going insane. He can’t be thinking these things about his little brother, can’t be dreaming about Ludger’s pale, unmarred skin pressed against his own scarred body.

 

He stays away, now. Takes more trips to the fractured dimensions than is smart. Runs himself ragged in the hopes that he can push himself down into dreamless sleep. He’d even asked Rideaux, still fey and savage after the fight that spelled the end of their relationship, to give him something to prevent nightmares. _Nothing_ helps, not blood, not exhaustion, not staying away.

 

If anything the exhaustion makes it worse, makes Ludger fuss over him, his eyes full of concern.

 

If he knew what Julius was thinking, his eyes would be full of disgust, of horror. Julius wouldn’t blame him, not in the least. He feels the same way, after all.

 

IV.

If someone were to see Julius now, they would think he was waiting for a lover. He’s sitting at an outdoor table at a seaside café, shopping bags at his feet, with two glasses of iced tea. It’s the kind of setup that is instantly recognizable, a weekend out on the town in one of the bigger seaside resorts. Julius is even wearing casual clothes instead of anything he’d wear to work.

 

And he is waiting for a lover, though his and Ludger’s relationship went much, much deeper than that. If Julius is feeling romantic (he is), he might even call them soulmates. For the first time since his mom died, he is blissfully, unreservedly happy.

 

Happy enough that when Ludger had suggested a little trip now that he was legal, he’d agreed to take some time off and go somewhere no one would know who they were. Just another couple of lovebirds taking advantage of the good weather for a romantic weekend.

 

He stirs his iced tea idly, a smile he can’t seem to banish curving his lips. It’s so freeing, being here with Ludger. He can forget his job and the fact that no one would support his feelings for his younger sibling. Ludger just wants him to be happy for a while, and Julius can’t say no to his younger brother, his love.

 

He’ll just enjoy this time with his brother.

 

V.

Julius’ hand is a numb pain at the end of his arm. It still works, but only Julius’ vast experience with combat in subpar conditions allows him to have confidence in the fact that it’s there, that his artes will still work. His condition gets worse every day.

 

He’d known going into his relationship with Ludger that he was being selfish. Even the most successful Chromatus bearers were lucky to make two decades after taking on the task of destroying fractured dimensions, and he was running up on that. Even in the best of worlds, he’d probably only have five years or so left to live.

 

But Ludger wasn’t above being selfish either. He’d told Julius that what he wanted most in the world was Julius himself. So Julius had given him everything that was left of himself, excepting only that last, final commitment. The commitment he will make soon, sacrificing his life so that Ludger could get to Canaan and complete this Trial once and for all.

 

If the fates had been kinder, Julius would have been able to spend his last days at Ludger’s side. But Julius can’t regret Ludger gaining friends, family, reasons to live when Julius was gone.

 

He’d known he was being selfish, and perhaps this is his last act of selfishness, hoping that Ludger will have a long, fulfilling life after Julius is dead. Hoping that even if he never leaves Ludger’s heart, Ludger will go on and raise his adopted daughter, see her grow up, spend time with his friends. Move on into the future that will never belong to Julius.

 

He prays with everything left of his beaten soul that Ludger will do this for him.

 

+1

Ludger presses a silent watch to his breast and cries quietly to keep the others from hearing. This is too much. He can’t contain this much pain in his body. He’s dimly surprised that his heart hasn’t stopped beating, that his lungs still work. That his body hasn’t given up and died, his life force rent from his body with Julius’ passing.

 

He’s trapped, pinioned between his promise to rescue Elle and his desire to join Julius in death. He’d asked Alvin what it had been like when Presa died, too grief-stricken to be tactful, if it had gotten better. Alvin had looked at him with ancient eyes and told him that it was always there, you just stopped stubbing your toes on it.

 

Ludger isn’t sure he can live like this, with a chasm ripped through his soul. Even if the grief became less raw, he can’t imagine living without Julius, without the parts of himself that he had gladly given over into his beloved’s keeping. He can’t get those back, not ever; they were one with the bridge that had gotten them here, soon to be completely dispersed.

 

He _must_ live, though. He _must_ rescue Elle and complete the Trial. How can he ever face Julius knowing that he threw away the last chance his brother had given the world, given him, in the hope that he might live on? Perhaps his friends weren’t as dear to him as his beloved, but how could he cast away Elize’s laughter, Alvin’s repentance, Leia’s careless grace? The spark of amusement in Gaius’ eyes, Rowen’s sly humor, Muzet’s secretive smirks? Milla and Milla, with the same core of steel? Jude’s sweet smiles? How could he cast away Elle, who had snuck catfooted into his heart, filling a space he hadn’t even known was empty? No, he will continue even as his heart dies. He’ll live as just a part of Julius’ memorial, a testament to his brother’s legacy.

 

He will do what Julius has asked of him one last time. How else could he meet his brother’s eyes, after everything is done?

 

But, oh, how it hurts.


	3. OTP Prompts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OTP Prompts can be inspiring! These are inspired by the prompts "I could kiss you" and "candy hearts."

Julius returns home to a house filled with the smell of cooking tomato sauce. He's tired and has a headache, which almost immediately decreases by a factor of ten when he takes a moment to breathe in a lungful of delicious smelling air.

Seeing Ludger hovering over a huge pot of his favorite pasta topping only made him feel better.

"I could kiss you," Julius says, shrugging off his jacket as he looked down appreciatively at the rich red paste bubbling away on the stove.

Ludger shifts up onto his toes a moment before his soft lips brush Julius' own. It was sweet, lovely, _wrong_. "I was hoping you'd say that," his little brother exhaled against his mouth.

 

~

 

Candy hearts were some of the most pathetic candy options out there, but the little inscriptions made up for some of the nasty taste. Ludger spilled out a handful and read them. Too cute, be mine, love you, and...

"Hey, Julius," he said. Julius blinked up from his newspaper. Ludger held the last candy heart in front of him, then put it in his mouth.

Julius laughed and obeyed, the sugary taste melting on their tongues as they kissed.

"You don't have to ask permission," Julius chuckled when they stopped for breath. "Much less solicit kisses with candy."


	4. Rideaux/Julius, genderswap arte

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I might go further with this, but it never ended up happening.

“The _fuck_ ,” he heard Rideaux hiss. Julius mentally agreed. His center of balance was shot all to hell with the change.

In the mirror was a tall woman, broad-shouldered and curvy. She was athletic, her arms and thighs well-muscled. Her face was hauntingly familiar, thinner and a bit softer than his own, though the scar through the eyebrow remained. Julius put a hand to his face, swallowing when the reflection mimicked him. He could feel his hand on his face, the shape strange but definitely tangible.

Rideaux put a hand on the mirrored surface, leaning close. As a girl, _he_ was more slender, but not all that soft, a slim and elegant woman. His face had gone sharper and more feline, eyes comparatively larger. The line of his waist and hips was undeniably feminine.

“Was it that arte?” Julius asked, his voice startlingly higher. “Have you ever even heard of an arte to change sex?”

“It’ll wear off,” Rideaux said. His voice was also higher, but not quite as much- a smooth alto. Julius was briefly reassured by the doctor’s pronouncement, before Rideaux ruined it by going, “I think. It’s not _inimical_ , and status change artes always wear off after a set time.”

Rideaux pushed away from the window, and lost his balance at the motion. Julius caught him, wobbling a little bit himself. He wasn’t sure if their heights had changed with their sex- he thought Rideaux might actually be a bit shorter now.

“Well, Julius,” Rideaux said approvingly, after a slow onceover, “you’ve got quite a nice rack there.”

Julius flushed, mostly because he couldn’t argue. If the arte hadn’t retailored his clothes, he would probably be half out of his shirt, and his pants wouldn’t fit.

“You,” Julius said firmly, “are a pervert.” And now he was thinking about how Rideaux’s new curves fit against his, damn it.

“Be sensible, we can’t fight like this. If my balance is off this badly, I don’t want to think about what _yours_ must be like.” Rideaux made a gesture that encompassed Julius’ new…attributes. “There’s no reason why we can’t have some fun while we’re waiting for it to wear off. This kind of opportunity doesn’t come along every day.”

Julius had the depressing (and enticing) premonition that he wasn’t winning this one.


End file.
